First I got the flu shot.  Then I got the flu.  Consequently I haven’t yet left my house in the year 2015. Believe me, I’m grateful that I got the shot, for without it . . . . . . . . .

I am in good health for an old broad.  Perhaps in the past I have been a little arrogant about that, to the point that in my mind I was invulnerable, maybe even invincible. I coped with illness mostly with denial, feeling that if a person pretends to feel well, soon enough they will. I hope to God I haven’t been a person who goes about saying  smugly, “I never get sick.” But it’s possible I’m guilty of it. I apologize.

In my own defense I remember when I was either employed or had the constant responsibility of caring for multiple infants over multiple years.  In those circumstances it is pretty much impossible for a mother (or a stay-at-home dad, Rod) to be sick.  So she might as well pretend to be fine. Anyone who parents knows that’s true.  So my denial was a learned behavior that served me well.

Now I am neither employed or caring for anyone. Perhaps the Universe decided it was time for me to have a different experience.

I was fine in the morning and sick by evening. There followed days and nights and days and nights of fever, painful coughing, a fiery sore throat, and constant running from the nose that felt like hot vinegar. No sleep. My voice became so high and squeaky and painful it was actually out of THWAM’s hearing range. I had no one to talk to.  Pounding head. General feeling of crappiness and deep fatigue.  Perhaps the most degrading thing was having to wear a little pad to deal with little leaks caused by the violent coughing, but soon enough I didn’t even care about that.

I tried the denial for a couple of days, just long enough to make the prescription flu drug ineffective.  Besides, I felt too sick to visit the doctor and sit among all those other sufferers.  So I hunkered down to see it through.

And yes, Universe, I did have a thoroughly new experience.  I just gave in to the flu and let it be whatever it was going to be.  I admitted to myself (well, THWAM couldn’t hear me) that I was one really miserable human being. I didn’t pretend to be cheerful and brave. I took my over-the-counter meds and coughed on.  I did try not to be a thoroughly unpleasant companion, but maybe I didn’t try very hard.  I was SICK, dammit!

Then about a week in, I felt a little better.  I assumed I would soon be well, but no, down I went again for another week.  Now I was miserable and PISSED and my patience was down to its last little raggedy bit.

Of course I eventually began to mend, very slowly, but mend nonetheless.  I am almost well.  Tomorrow I intend to step back in to my normal semi-busy satisfying life.  I am grateful, so grateful, to feel like myself again.  And even more grateful that THWAM miraculously escaped. (There has been no smooching in our house for the duration.)

I wonder this:  will I always be two weeks behind in the year 2015 because I got a late start?  Happy New Year everybody!

Love is everything.